My shell

I have a habit. Any time my husband and I get in a fight or I get upset I retreat. I go quiet. I sleep. My husband is a wonderful man and not at all abusive so don’t get the wrong idea. It’s just a gut reaction to years and years of emotional and physical abuse before he was ever around.

Make yourself small. Stay out of sight. Don’t show emotion, it provokes a reaction.

I can see it physically hurt him everytime it happens but I don’t know how to stop it.

I want to write about what happened to make me like this but it’s scary. I’ve used all of these instances to help me build a shell. making them public, letting the world see makes me afraid that I won’t have the hard outside that I need to protect myself.

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